Sheenah Hankin

Here is some sound advice I gave at a workshop for overstressed New York City cabdrivers, who deal with tough traffic, winter weather and mostly angry, anxious, whiny, complaining clients who treat them badly.

Complete Confidence for Cabbies

Cabdrivers and I have similar jobs. Let me explain what I mean. I’m a psychotherapist, better known as a “shrink.” And cab drivers are like shrinks-we see people at their worst.

My patients and their customers can be angry, whiny, bossy, nasty, sorry for themselves, anxious, disrespectful and mistrustful. Many hostile people easily see themselves as victims, and will dump anger all over the guys sitting in the driver’s seat. And they don’t even have to look the driver in the eye. Cabbies eyes are on the traffic; theirs are staring at the back of the cabbie’s head.

My job today is to give cabbies some instant shrink training-How to Be a Shrink 101. And I have only a few minutes to do this. But I will succeed, and you will, too. We all will.

Here are three rules for Succeeding with Difficult Clients (and believe me, I wrote the book on this, and it is published by Academic Press).

1. Do not, under any circumstances, think that other people’s rude, immature behavior is about you. It’s about them and their craziness. Your honor is not at stake.
2. But, do not think you can just shrug it off and feel nothing. Disrespect in any form has an impact, and it can be painful. However, we have ways and means of dealing with your feelings.
3. Remember, never, ever accept a psychological invitation to be angry and fight. It goes nowhere, and fighting will lose your tip.

So, here is what to do.

1. Calm yourself down. Stop for a few seconds. Take a deep breath or two, and think of the three rules I’ve just given you. Then smile, and remind yourself that you will soon be rid of your unpleasant, obnoxious passenger.
2. Don’t say a word until you address the normal human tendency to feel like a victim, and either sulk in silence or fly into a rage. Say to yourself, “This immature behavior is not about me.” You know you are a victim if you blame others.
3. Speak up if necessary, but don’t apologize (this shows weakness), and don’t yell insults (”Look, you f—ing a– hole, shut the f— up!”) Instead, simply say slowing and clearly, “I’m doing the best I can.” And if the obnoxious passenger won’t shut up, say, “I must ask you to be quiet. It’s not safe. You’ll distract me from my driving if you don’t, and I will not allow that under any circumstance.”
4. Remember, most bullies will back off. Most sulkers and whiners will just grumble quietly. Then, congratulate yourself-you stayed calm and confident while all around you were acting like immature kids.

Keep practicing this script, and you will succeed. You will get very good at succeeding with difficult people, and become the “shrink” that all cabbies need to be.

Sheenah Hankin, Ph.D., author of Complete Confidence: A Handbook, published by ReganBooks, HarperCollins, can be emailed at SheenahHankin@aol.com

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 5th, 2008 at 11:51 pm and is filed under Advice. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.